Country superstar Jason Aldean is trading his microphone for a hammer—or at least, that’s what it sounds like. Following the disastrous damage from Hurricane Milton, which ripped apart the roof of Tropicana Field, Aldean has announced a bold plan: a $1 billion charity concert to help those affected by the storm. Titled Milton Relief: Redneck Rising, this will be more than just a concert; it’s going to be a patriotic spectacle that promises to raise a billion dollars, fix a broken roof, and possibly save the world. Or at least, that’s what Aldean thinks.

The damage from Hurricane Milton was severe, and the roof of Tropicana Field looks more like a shredded bedsheet than the structurally sound shelter it once was. Yet, in typical Jason Aldean fashion, he saw an opportunity where others saw only disaster. “Look, I’ve been in a few bar fights where things got ugly, but we always kept the music going,” Aldean said during a press conference where he wore his signature cowboy hat and sunglasses indoors for reasons no one understood. “A little wind ain’t stopping me.”

When asked whether holding a concert at a stadium missing half its roof was a good idea, Aldean didn’t hesitate. “I’ve seen tornadoes do worse to tailgate parties, and those went just fine. If anything, the open roof gives us a direct line to the heavens. God’s got front-row seats to this one.”

Aldean isn’t taking on this monumental task alone. He’s pulling in some heavy-hitting country stars and possibly anyone who can still hold a guitar after three beers. Toby Keith, Kid Rock, and Carrie Underwood are rumored to make appearances, with the unofficial tagline being: “The only thing stronger than a hurricane is a country song.”

But there’s more than music planned. In between sets, Aldean and Kid Rock will auction off pieces of Tropicana Field’s torn roof, marketing it as “authentic hurricane memorabilia.” Fans can purchase strips of the fiberglass Teflon-coated material as keepsakes, with all proceeds going to… well, that part hasn’t been made entirely clear yet.

“I’m thinking we use the money to fix the roof, and whatever’s left we send to the hurricane victims. It’s a win-win,” Aldean explained, while adjusting his belt buckle like a man who’s never doubted his own genius.

As expected, tickets to Milton Relief: Redneck Rising don’t come cheap. General admission starts at $300, with VIP packages going as high as $10,000. For the ultra-premium package, which costs a staggering $50,000, attendees can enjoy exclusive perks like a “Beer and BBQ with Jason” session and a chance to personally help repair parts of Tropicana Field’s roof.

Aldean insists this is an opportunity for fans to not only enjoy live music but to “be a part of something bigger than themselves.” Because what’s more American than paying tens of thousands of dollars to fix something that should have had insurance?

Despite the hefty price tag, tickets are selling out fast. In fact, Aldean’s team confirmed that all nosebleed seats—also known as “falling debris zones”—are already sold out. “People are calling it the thrill of a lifetime,” said one of Aldean’s publicists. “You don’t get that kind of excitement at a regular concert.”

The concert is being billed as a “non-political” event, although it’s hard to ignore the subtext of Aldean’s “America Stronger Than Hurricanes” marketing campaign. The lineup is packed with stars known for their staunch political views, and social media has already dubbed the concert a “freedom fest.”

Of course, not everyone is thrilled. Critics have pointed out that Jason Aldean’s involvement might turn the charity event into a platform for some of his more controversial beliefs. “What does repairing a stadium roof have to do with ‘standing up to woke culture’?” asked one bewildered Twitter user. Others are concerned about the safety risks of holding a concert in a stadium with a partially collapsed roof.

To those concerns, Aldean had a simple response: “A little risk never hurt nobody. Besides, if you’re worried about a roof falling in, you should see the bars I used to play at.”

The goal is to raise $1 billion, but there’s been some confusion as to where all that money is actually going. “It’s going to the people, obviously,” Aldean said, though when pressed for specifics, he clarified, “The people fixing the roof, the people buying tickets, and maybe some people affected by the hurricane. It’s all for a good cause.”

Despite the vagueness, Aldean reassures fans that he’s in this for the right reasons. “Look, I don’t need another yacht,” he said. “This is about helping people who lost everything—except, you know, the people who can afford $300 tickets. But we’re all helping someone here.”

Despite the skepticism, Aldean remains confident that Milton Relief: Redneck Rising will be a defining moment in American history—if not for the funds raised, then at least for the memes.

“Years from now, people will look back and say, ‘Remember when Jason Aldean played under a half-busted roof to save the day?’” he declared during the press conference, as patriotic music played faintly in the background. “That’s the America I want to live in. The one that stands tall, even if it’s missing a roof.”

As for Tropicana Field, there’s no word yet on whether it’ll be safe for concerts—let alone baseball games—anytime soon. But if Aldean’s concert manages to raise the $1 billion he’s promising, perhaps the Rays will finally get the state-of-the-art roof they’ve been asking for since 1990. And maybe, just maybe, country music will be remembered as the genre that saved a stadium.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s not true.