James Van Der Beek is reflecting on his journey with colorectal cancer.
The Dawson’s Creek alum marked his 48th birthday with an Instagram video called “What cancer taught me.”
In the candid clip, shared on Saturday, March 8, Van Der Beek told his supporters, “It has been the hardest year of my life.”
He continued with an anecdote, recalling how he “used to define myself as an actor” when he was younger, even though it was “never really all that fulfilling.” The Varsity Blues star said as he got older, he began to define himself as “the ultimate” role: a “loving, capable, strong, supportive” husband, father, provider and “steward of the land.”
While he confessed that those definitions left him satisfied for some time, this past year he was forced to “look my own mortality in the eye.”
Van Der Beek shares six children — Olivia, 14, Joshua, 13, Annabel, 11, Emilia, 8, Gwendolyn, 6, Jeremiah, 2, with wife Kimberly (née Brook), whom he married in August 2010.
“I had to come nose to nose with death,” the actor continued of his diagnosis. “And all those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me.”
Van Der Beek shared that he “was away for treatment,” so he was not able to help his family in the way he had prior to his diagnosis.
“I could no longer be a husband who was helpful to my wife,” he explained. “I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working. I couldn’t even be a steward of the land because at times I was too weak to prune all the trees during the window that you’re supposed to prune them.”
He said he had to face the question of who he truly was as someone living with cancer. Colorectal cancer, per the American Cancer Society, starts in the colon or the rectum, which makes up the large intestine in the digestive system.
Following a journey of self-discovery and meditation, Van Der Beek said he realized, “I am worthy of God’s love, simply because I exist. And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?”
“And the same is true for you,” Van Der Beek said as he acknowledged the prayers and support he’s received since his diagnosis. He concluded by telling fans their mantra can simply be, “‘I am worthy of love.’ Because you are.”
Van Der Beek first shared news of his diagnosis in November 2024, telling PEOPLE at the time: “I have colorectal cancer. I’ve been privately dealing with this diagnosis and have been taking steps to resolve it, with the support of my incredible family.”
“There’s reason for optimism, and I’m feeling good,” he added
