In a move as bold as a flying elbow drop from the top rope, wrestling legend Hulk Hogan has officially yanked his Real American Beer from Target shelves, claiming that his all-American brew is simply “too patriotic” to be associated with the “woke agenda” of the retail giant. That’s right, brother—when it comes to selling beer, the Hulkster wants to keep his lager as red, white, and blue as possible.

For those who thought Hulk Hogan was done flexing his muscles after retiring from the wrestling ring, think again. Earlier this year, Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, surprised fans by swapping suplexes for suds with the launch of his Real American Beer. Billed as a “full-flavored, crushable light lager” made from “100% North American malt and hops,” Hogan’s new venture was clearly aimed at the same crowd that once cheered him on as he body-slammed villains in the WWF ring.

The beer, which debuted across four states in June 2024, has since expanded to several others, thanks to partnerships with major retailers like Jewel Osco and Binny’s. But it was its brief tenure on Target shelves that caught Hogan’s attention—and not in a good way.

After a few months of watching his beer line coexist with Target’s product lineup, Hogan had a revelation: Real American Beer and “woke culture” don’t mix. According to Hogan, the retail giant’s stance on social issues just didn’t sit right with him, and in true Hulkster fashion, he decided to take a stand.

“It’s pretty simple, brother,” Hogan said in a press conference while flexing for no apparent reason. “When people buy Real American Beer, they’re buying freedom in a can. You don’t crack open a cold one just to be reminded about agendas, politics, or whatever’s trending on Twitter. You crack one open because you want to taste liberty—plain and simple.”

It’s no secret that Target has been at the center of numerous cultural debates, often criticized by conservatives for its policies promoting inclusivity and diversity. But it wasn’t until Hogan’s Real American Beer found itself sitting on Target shelves that the wrestling legend decided to weigh in.

“Look, I grew up in a different America,” Hogan explained, with a wistful look in his eye that might have made you think he was talking about winning the WWF Championship in 1985. “Back then, we didn’t worry about wokeness. We worried about body-slamming bad guys and drinking good beer. That’s the America I want to bring back, one six-pack at a time.”

When pressed on why he specifically singled out Target, Hogan shrugged and said, “They were just the first ones to show up on my radar, brother.”

Hogan’s move has already sparked a flurry of reactions across social media, with some fans praising the wrestling icon for standing up to what they see as corporate wokeness, while others wonder if it’s all just a desperate publicity stunt. In true Hulk Hogan fashion, the man knows how to keep people talking.

“I don’t want anyone drinking Real American Beer and thinking it’s part of some ‘woke agenda,’” Hogan said, doubling down on his message. “When you crack open a can, you should be thinking about the Stars and Stripes, brother, not the latest trending hashtag.”

To further emphasize his point, Hogan took the stage during his press conference wearing a shirt emblazoned with “No Woke Zone” written in all caps. Unsurprisingly, he ripped that shirt off mid-sentence, reminding the world that the Hulkster’s biceps still have a lot to say, even when the conversation is about beer.

Of course, this bold move didn’t sit well with everyone. While some hardcore Hulkamaniacs applauded their hero’s decision to stand up against “woke culture,” others questioned whether beer could even be considered “woke” in the first place.

“If drinking beer is now a political statement, I must’ve missed that memo,” one Twitter user remarked. Another quipped, “Does Real American Beer come with a free pair of American flag Zubaz pants?”

Others, however, were more supportive. One fan tweeted, “Finally, a beer that doesn’t lecture me while I’m trying to drink it! Thank you, Hulk Hogan!”

So, where can fans get their hands on Real American Beer now that Target is off the table? According to Hogan, the beer will be made available in “freedom-loving” establishments across the country—places where “politics don’t matter, but a good beer does.”

The Hulkster made it clear that his beer would soon be available in more “authentic” retailers, like small-town liquor stores, sporting goods shops, and perhaps even wrestling merchandise stands. “You know the kind of places, brother—where you can buy a six-pack, a shotgun, and a Stars and Stripes bandana all in one go.”

Despite pulling out of Target, Hogan has no intention of slowing down. He announced plans for a nationwide tour to promote Real American Beer, complete with live meet-and-greet events, beer samplings, and perhaps the occasional impromptu wrestling demonstration. “We’re taking this beer on the road, brother, and we’re going to show the world what real American beer is all about,” Hogan said.

In the grand tradition of Hulk Hogan’s larger-than-life career, this latest chapter in the Hulkster’s saga is shaping up to be as dramatic as any wrestling storyline. Some pundits are already predicting that Hogan’s move could spark a full-blown “beer culture war,” where consumers are forced to choose between “woke” and “non-woke” beverages. But Hogan seems unfazed by the potential controversy.

“I’ve faced bigger opponents than wokeness, brother,” he said. “And guess what? I bodyslammed them all. So bring it on.”

Whether or not Hulk Hogan’s anti-woke crusade will help or hurt Real American Beer remains to be seen. One thing is certain: Hogan’s not shy about making waves—and if that means tearing down some retail partnerships along the way, so be it.

So, what’s next for the beer that refuses to be woke? Hogan has hinted at some ambitious plans, including potential expansions into new states, collaborations with patriotic brands, and even the possibility of opening a Real American Beer brewery, complete with its own wrestling ring. “Because what’s more American than beer and wrestling, brother?” Hogan asked with a grin.

For now, though, it looks like Real American Beer will be making its way to smaller, more “freedom-friendly” stores near you. As for Target? Hogan had just one final message: “You can keep your wokeness, brother. I’ll keep my beer.”

With that, the Hulkster flexed one last time and walked offstage, leaving us all to wonder what kind of twist this storyline will take next. Stay tuned, brother.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not True.