Following Donald Trump’s recent victory, culinary heavyweight Gordon Ramsay and NBA legend Shaquille O’Neal are joining forces to open a chain of “Un-Woke” restaurants exclusively in red states. The new venture, tentatively named Grit & Grub, promises an experience where “the only agenda on the menu is good food.” Set to launch in states known for their conservative values, the restaurant chain will combine Ramsay’s culinary mastery with Shaq’s down-home personality in an effort to bring “real American comfort food” back to diners.

In a joint statement, the duo explained their vision: “People are tired of eating at places that come with a side of politics,” Ramsay said. “We’re bringing back an environment where people can enjoy great food without worrying about a social message baked into the dessert.”

Shaq added, “It’s about going back to basics—food, family, and fun. We’re creating a space where people can come, relax, and be themselves without judgment.”

The goal of Grit & Grub is simple: bring high-quality comfort food to the masses without the pressure of politically charged messages or trends. “People come to a restaurant to enjoy a meal, not get a lecture,” Ramsay explained. “At Grit & Grub, we’re bringing back traditional dishes, real ingredients, and a ‘no-nonsense’ atmosphere.”

The chain will focus on American comfort food with a gourmet twist, including dishes like Ramsay’s famous Beef Wellington and Shaq’s BBQ ribs, served in generous portions. The menu has been designed to appeal to “real Americans” who are less interested in kale salads and more interested in chicken-fried steak.

“We’re focusing on hearty, unapologetic food,” Shaq added. “If you’re vegan or gluten-free, this probably isn’t the spot for you.”

In what some are calling a “bold business choice,” Grit & Grub will open exclusively in red states, starting with locations in Texas, Florida, and Tennessee. The decision to limit locations has been met with mixed reactions. Ramsay and Shaq, however, are clear about their intentions.

“Look, we know who we’re cooking for,” Ramsay said bluntly. “We’re not here to cater to the latest trend. We’re here for people who want to enjoy their food without feeling like they’re at a political rally.”

By focusing on red states, Ramsay and Shaq believe they’re tapping into an underserved market of diners who are tired of feeling out of place in restaurants with “activist” undertones. For them, the target audience is clear: those who just want a great meal without the fuss.

Grit & Grub is branding itself as a “safe haven” from dietary trends, virtue signaling, and culinary restrictions. Unlike many modern chains that promote plant-based dishes, sustainable sourcing, or eco-friendly initiatives, Grit & Grub aims to provide a “no-frills” dining experience that sticks to the basics.

“People want to relax when they’re dining, not worry about whether their burger offended anyone,” Ramsay stated. “We’re not here to preach; we’re here to serve.”

The Big Shaq Burger – A towering double burger loaded with bacon, American cheese, and a “secret sauce” inspired by Shaq’s favorite flavors.
Ramsay’s Real Mac & Cheese – A decadent mac and cheese with three types of cheese and a crispy breadcrumb topping.
Country-Fried Everything – Fried chicken, fried pork chops, and fried steak—all served with mashed potatoes and gravy.
All-American Apple Pie Sundae – Apple pie served warm with vanilla ice cream, caramel drizzle, and a sprinkling of cinnamon.
While the menu won’t be catering to “special dietary requests,” Ramsay and Shaq are confident that their “unapologetically classic” dishes will attract fans eager for hearty meals without modification.

As expected, the announcement has stirred up social media. Supporters are celebrating Grit & Grub as a refreshing return to “politics-free” dining, with fans praising Ramsay and Shaq for “taking a stand” against the current trends. “Finally, a place where I can just eat my meal without a lecture,” posted one fan from Texas. “Can’t wait for the grand opening.”

Others, however, have been less enthusiastic, calling the red-state-only model “exclusionary.” “So I’m not ‘American’ enough to eat there because I live in California?” one critic tweeted. “Gordon Ramsay has truly lost it.”

Ramsay, however, seems unfazed. “Look, if people want to make a big deal about it, they’re free to do so. We know who our customers are and what they want.”

Shaquille O’Neal, known for his approachable, easygoing style, says the restaurant concept is meant to be lighthearted and fun. “We’re just trying to give people a great meal in a relaxed environment,” he said. “We’re not here to stir up trouble, we’re here to make people feel at home.”

In fact, Shaq is so invested in the experience that he’s planning on hosting pop-up events at select Grit & Grub locations, where fans can meet him, take photos, and enjoy some signature Shaq-style entertainment. “I’m a people person,” he said. “And Grit & Grub is all about the people.”

While Grit & Grub will start in red states, Ramsay and Shaq haven’t ruled out the possibility of expanding—if the demand is there. “If we start seeing people in other states wanting to try us out, we might consider it,” Ramsay hinted. “But for now, we’re keeping it simple.”

For fans wondering if they’ll see the restaurants pop up in major blue-state cities, the message remains consistent: “This isn’t about exclusivity,” Shaq added. “We’re just giving people in red states something they can call their own. If they want us in other places, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

Unsurprisingly, industry insiders are watching this venture closely, as it marks a departure from the current trend of politically conscious dining. Some experts say Grit & Grub could be the beginning of a “counter-culture” in the restaurant industry, one that emphasizes the traditional American dining experience over social messaging.

“This could open doors for restaurants that feel pressured to conform to certain narratives,” said one restaurant consultant. “There’s a huge market for people who just want straightforward dining without the extras.”

Others remain skeptical, wondering if a chain so overtly aligned with certain values can sustain long-term success. “Food has always been about bringing people together,” said one critic. “This restaurant model, while novel, risks alienating just as many people as it attracts.”

Regardless of the mixed reviews, Ramsay and Shaq seem more excited than ever to open Grit & Grub. “We’re not doing this for everyone, we’re doing it for people who share our vision,” Ramsay said. “We’re ready to serve up some real food, in real America.”

In the end, Ramsay and Shaq’s Grit & Grub represents a bold experiment in the restaurant world, and it’s clear they’re willing to take the heat. As Ramsay put it, “If people don’t like it, they’re welcome to take their appetites elsewhere. But for everyone else, come hungry, because we’re ready for you.”

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.